Talk and Fidget Much?

I am staring at the blank screen trying to figure out what to blog about and L is next to me coding...and talking. He really does not ever stop talking. All talk, all tech, all day. "You know what makes me feel the most proud about myself? I am creating my own game apps completely from scratch. I am not using any libraries or physics engines...I am programming my own gravity. There are many different ways of doing it. There are some tricks that save you a lot of time and I have discovered how to do it." And then the tech speech launches about just how to do it. This is my day, every day. The incessant talking, sharing, theories, and observations came at such a young age and just have never stopped. The content changes but the quantity of talk has definitely not dissipated. He has so much on his mind and although much of it is quite interesting I do have to feign interest at times. Early on he was a self proclaimed TALKER. It used to be that he would talk even while eating or brushing his teeth or sleeping...just no stopping it unless he was around new people or uncomfortable surroundings. His brain doesn't stop and verbalizing out loud seems to help him solve some of the ideas he is trying to work out. It is exhausting for me and I, too, am a verbose person. We, as a family, are just intense to be around. Even my girlfriends who share a love of quick banter will stop and remind me that I really love to talk. I guess the apple fell where I left it.



Both L and S love to share stories and theories while pacing back and forth...their bodies are trying to keep up with their minds. I get it, a little, because when I am on a business call I prefer to pace and talk as well...it does keep the ideas flowing quickly for me. With L and S it seems like the thoughts are flooding their minds and they have to get out the ideas with their whole bodies. It can be odd to watch but it is almost as if you can see the ideas churning as they are pacing and moving about the room.  All this incessant talking and moving would clearly make many believe my kids have ADHD.   Then there is the fidgeting. L constantly has something in his hand that he is manipulating...while talking and moving. It is a lot to take in. One of the fidget toys makes a clicking sound as L frenetically twists and turns it into cool shapes. It is like a cacophony of sounds and movement which rivals sensory overload for the audience. L is definitely high in pscyhomotor overexcitabilties and gifted kids like him are easily misdiagnosed. He also learns kinesthetically among the myriad of learning styles he espouses. Learning at home does give him much greater freedom to move about like the little hummingbird that he is.  In most schools they would want to medicate him and yet his wild energy does not interfere with his learning. In fact, I think his high energy is what also gives him his relentless drive to learn and create. So if learning is happening then is a disorder the right call? He can focus for long periods of time in many areas and he accomplishes many goals that he sets out for himself. From all that I have read on the topic the answer suggests that it relates more to his OEs and giftedness than to rise to the level of a pathology.  I certainly would not want to medicate that which is part of his normal development to becoming the person he is supposed to be. There was a time when I used to pathologize each little quirk or unsettling behavioral phase until I realized they were just quirks and phases. As parent we worry and react and even overreact at times. Our society seems to be very quick to accept a disorder label but yet it appears harder to accept the G label as a means for explaining the underlying aspects of the behavior. Many highly gifted kids have a lot of quirks that resemble pathological symptoms. And, many gifted kids are twice-exceptional. We need to embrace and nourish the quirks and be open to alternative views to pathologizing and medicating our children as a first resort. We are still navigating this bumpy road of asynchrony, overexcitabilities and eccentricities. It is never dull and it is definitely not "typical."

"Being unique has its challenges." L, age 9.

Deschooling Breakthrough

L may not have ever been a kid who chose writing as his method of expression. Why would he when he was a self-proclaimed talker as a baby. He did write comic books from a a young age and while he was in school he would brand them and try to sell them. This was first/second grade. Second grade writing was mainly comics and journaling but it definitely was an enjoyable enough pasttime. In December of his second grade school year I read a journal entry which was quite eloquently written combining factual events with creativity, decent punctuation, spelling and grammar and dare I say it pretty neat writing. For any seven year old boy that is an accomplishment but even more so for a kid with writing challenges.

All was about to change as his second grade teacher would constantly punish him for writing comics and openly tell him what a horrible writer he was. This does not do well for a seven year old's psyche. I don't think anyone's budding self-esteem and confidence in any area would blossom under such negative scrutiny. There was so much wrong with second grade and his hostile teacher and oppressive environment. I could go on about that and I often do. But, this post is about the success that deschooling and unschooling has brought to us.

Just yesterday, after months and months of zero writing and complete unschooling, L asked me if I would like to play a writing game. We wrote together for about 5 -10 minutes and he declared that he enjoyed writing. A lot. This was a huge breakthrough. I have put absolutely zero pressure on him about writing either with a pencil or through keyboarding. He is extremely verbose and his ability to theorize and analyze anything and everything verbally was enough for me. Comprehension was clearly not an issue. As important a skill as writing is, I knew that if we put emphasis on it, no positive outcome would result. Too much damage had been done in 2010/2011. Even last year while with a lovely and positive teacher, writing was still L's kryptonite and the only thing L would do was the minimal necessary requirement...with resistance.

So, here we are. One day after realizing that writing is not the enemy and even that, "Writing is so much fun!" The two boys and I are playing our new favorite game and then L suddenly states, "I think I am going to go write a new comic book" and off he went to his room to focus, create and WRITE. He has been writing for over a half an hour with no breaks.

I always thought he was a natural born writer but the thoughts just flow so quickly that there is no way his hand can keep up with the ideas flooding his mind.  This is such a huge breakthrough in our home and since little brother like to emulate big brother, we may end up with two boys who love to write.  Did I really just say that?  Seriously, I am in a state of shock right now.

Deschooling is of special importance when real damage to learning has been done.  I had not even realized we were still deschooling but apparently we were, in terms of writing.   Deschooling really is about changing one's attitude and expectation.  It is not just for kids.  Parents really need to embrace deschooling for however long it takes.  The reward is worth it when you see the love of learning resurface.

I think deschooling just liberated him. With all other academic and intellectual areas deschooling wasn't that necessary for him because he never lost the love of learning.  He was just bored and hungry to learn.  Unschooling gave him the freedom to finally start learning again.  He discovered a love of History, Physics, Algebra, the Universe and Computer Science. Writing was a different story.  He was holding on to the negative associations and giving his awful teacher too much power over him two years after the fact.  Writing is not in fact the enemy. His teacher was.  He is finally letting it go and moving on.

Feeling Isolated...by choice.

Being a mom to two unschooled children is a unique and rewarding experience. It can also be a bit isolating. It doesn't have to be but in my case it is. I have one kid that rarely wants to leave the house. This post; however, is about the inner isolation that comes with the territory of being a profoundly gifted child who can no longer connect with kids of close proximate age. Nine year old L was able to make friends while he endured school. He adapted. He had to. Now that we have been unschooling for about a year he is an entirely different person. Actually, he is the person he always was before the parameters of school forced him to dumb down to the environment. As a baby, infant and toddler he was a quick witted, verbose, intelligent child who had a lot on his mind and was more than willing to share his ideas. He was captivated with the WHYs of the world. His need to know WHY is still omnipresent. In fact it drives him to learn and explain everything that he absorbs within the world. The intensity of his personality was always there I suppose but it manifested in an entirely different and unenjoyable manner during the school years.

StealthSchooling

Note: Today I’m participating in a “blog hop” with a group of parents and educators who write about homeschooling gifted children. For more details, see the bottom of this post."

I think before we actually entered the world of homeschooling/unschooling I was StealthSchooling a bit. I mean, to me it was just living, but when you break things down and describe the world to your children inevitably some learning is going on. In fact, most of our learning is based on our discussions.  One thought triggers another and we are involved in a depthful conversation about anything and everything.

Sometimes the learning is a life lesson and those are by no means unimportant. In some ways they are the most important especially with kids who espouse advanced intellect and book smarts.  The need for life lessons are paramount.  That being said, I realize that I have an inordinate amount of books that focus on learning but in a fun way.  Many even resemble workbooks but not the traditional kind. They are books that make you think.  They are not books crammed with grade level fact tidbits and repetitive content. They are; however, books that we can enjoy together and it feels like a fun game that everyone wants to participate in. It sometimes starts with me asking, "Does anyone want to 'learn' with mommy?" Of course they are learning all day in so many ways but that question indicates that I am available to spend one-on-one/two time with my kids. Honestly, board games and card games fit the learning bill as well. I started unschooling hoping that much of our learning would take place through game play. My kids are just too busy with their own work to always have time to sit with me and play!

As a kid I never liked barbies and dolls that didn't do anything so I guess as a mom my desire to buy one dimensional toys that don't do anything sort of spawned my approach to which toys, books and games I want in my house. And, let me tell you, there are a lot of toys, books and games.  We are overrun with things.  All interesting things but a lot of them. Probably more than necessary but I happen to like new playthings and I happen to like educational play things.  That isn't to say that all toys look inherently educational but what my kids do with them is creative, imaginative and thoughtful...educational enough for me.  

My 4 year old, S, really loves Legos and is quite adept at them.  He will stay focused for hours manipulating 500+ piece kits invariably with missing pieces.  We have more Legos than we have floor and counter space and yet I keep buying more. That may say more about me than my "StealthSchooling" agenda but really Legos feed and nourish my 4 year old in so many ways: spatial awareness, problem solving, perseverance, adaptability, number sense, following steps/directions, focus and concentration and then so much creative, imaginative play once the item has been built.  Is this StealthSchooling?  Why not? He is learning and playing all day and improving valuable skills for the 21st century. Creativity, adaptability, problem solving and critical thinking are some of the most prized qualities related to innovative thinking and leadership.

My 9 year old, L, is pretty responsive to strewing.   Strewing: the act of spreading widely, disseminating.  I am great at strewing.  It embodies, researching and consumerism. I am great at research and online shopping.  L will almost never read a book that I suggest for him to read. He will; however, stumble upon books that are strewn about the house and then on his own volition will end up reading it. It has to be his choice. My car is like a book hoarder's dream. Books are strewn everywhere in the car.   

I think school was so damaging to him with all of the restrictions and structure that strewing is the best way.  I have stepped it up a bit in the digital age so now I am a digital strewer of sorts via email. While I peruse the InterWeb and find appealing websites and products I will send an email over to my son.  It doesn't always have the same effect as book strewing but it does serve its purpose. I have also been known to make start pages automatically open to the sites of my choosing as a not so gentle reminder to visit them ;)

So for us StealthSchooling is a combo of self discovery (strewing) for the kids, time spent with mom learning and a healthy dose of toys, books and games plus a little science channel which is our latest obsession.

Unschooling 101

I knew early on my kid was gifted. It was obvious just as it must be for everyone with a neuroatypical child. What I did not realize was that eventually our entire lives would change. We moved to a neighborhood intentionally for the charter public school with good test scores. That is how naive I was just a handful of years ago. I thought my son's incredible intellect meant that school would be easy for him. And, back then I guess I thought easy was a good thing? Needless to say I was CLUELESS. He spent several wasted years in classrooms with nice teachers and one horrific one. The classes were filled with 26 kids most of which were neurotypical and a few neuroatypical kids and their shadows sprinkled in. What I did not realize then was that giftedness does not just mean smart and it certainly does not mean high achieving in school and it definitely does not mean compliant and teacher pleasing. It took one great teacher and a smaller classroom at a progressive private school for me to really understand where all the behavioral issues were stemming from. The complete boredom of the easy curriculum that taught him nothing, the forced assignments that did not mean anything to him coupled with finite structure that forced him to stop thinking about math right at noon because it was time to eat, the forced socialization on the playground when he really wanted to read the latest book in his favorite series. His sense of humor and vocabulary that is so advanced that age peers cannot relate, his high set morals, fairness, justice and empathy that do not fare well during recess games of master and servant played by his classmates...this all makes the socialization amongst age peers cruel and unusual. And yet, this is the main criticism that arises upon mention of being a homeschooler. His soul and psyche were becoming tarnished in the artificial environment we call school..



Enter, homeschooling. I was not the mom who had ever had homeschooling on my radar. I wish I was. I wholeheartedly believe in it now. More importantly, I embrace unschooling which is completely child led and for us means no canned curriculum, no forced learning, no adult agenda and no structure. This complete lack of structure permeates our whole day aside from just academics...this is what makes us radical unschoolers.  My kids decide when they are hungry and what they will eat and bedtime is also their choice. Believe it or not they know when they are hungry and when they are tired. We do not have battles over bedtime.  This is not to say that I do not influence my kids at all. There are times that I have to remind them to take a bath or that it is getting late but it is not my way or the highway.  I laid the foundation early on for them to make solid choices in life and to appreciate the consequences of their actions.  They mostly make great choices about their own health and well being and they look out for each other.  Is this not an important skill to have a balanced lifestyle?  For us this method works beautifully. My kids are happier, more engaged, inspired and they are learning all day long. Occasionally, I question this complete freedom that I have provided to my kids to be in charge of their learning and to make their own choices in life...but second guessing myself dissipates rather quickly when I witness their creative endeavors.

Creativity is vital to learning and yet it is stripped from children when they are in school. Creativity isn't nurtured with an after school enrichment class offered once a week.  Unschooling gives children the opportunity to think, play, create, problem solve and experience the world holistically. It can seem like an overwhelming thought to enter into this kind of endeavor at first but it is enlightening once you start.



Unschooling may not happen all at once and it didn't for us.  You can start slowly by deschooling a child who has been in school. The general guideline for deschooling is one month per one year spent in school. This is by no means a hard and fast rule but if you test out letting your child decide what they want to do and support their passions, chances are you will see your child blossom and learn their way in a short period of time.  If unschooling is still too loose of a style for you and your family you can always sprinkle in academics in a non pressured filled way and see how they respond. Each unschooling family finds their way and I am sure no two are alike. Your unschooling will likely evolve over time and may be different for each child within your family.  As you watch what works and what doesn't you will also likely elicit what learning style and methods are most effective.  I am lucky in that my son figured out how he learns best on his own. It then became even clearer to me why school was such a mismatch for him.  As an unschooling parent you are the facilitator who guides and supports your child and the journey will likely bring you closer together and you may learn a thing or two yourself!  Trust your instincts, trust your child, and by all means do not think homeschooling has to mean buying an all-in-one curriculum.  You also do not have to emulate the exact curriculum standards that schools do.  There are many things to learn about and many ways to learn about them.  Let your child guide you as to what appeals to him/her and then foster that learning.

Self-directed Learning

I started on this journey less than a year ago and called it homeschooling.  This was an alternative to the unaffordable private schooling available in Los Angeles and before I started getting on my soapbox about just how ineffective our public educational system is.  I knew we had a bad experience but I had yet to cultivate an entirely new self directed learning pedagogy that now resembles "radical unschooling."  I am not interested in my kids becoming obedient factory workers who can blindly follow orders and can regurgitate disconnected meaningless facts that were determined necessary during the Industrial Age.  School is where you go to kill creativity, squash the natural desire to learn,  where curiosity gets punished and where imagination gets medicated.  Sit down. Don't move.  Be quiet. Memorize this. Take tests. And definitely do not question anything.  Ummm, no thanks. Not. Ever. Again.

All day long I get a barage of computer science lessons and the history behind each iteration of each coding/scripting language, comparisons of operating systems, IDEs, APIs, developers, evolution of iOS devices, jailbreaking, etc.  I had heard about the need for a mentor for gifted kids and though I understand the concept I was left wondering how to go about seeking one out. I think until the child discovers his/her passion(s) that is more than a passing phase finding the right mentor seems futile. I am not sure a generalist  mentor would make sense...at least not for us.  There needs to be a shared passion and enthusiasm between child and mentor for there to be a real match.   Prior to realizing L's passion for all things programming I never sought out a mentor as I didn't really understand what I was looking for.  Until last night, I probably still wasn't sure how the mentoring relationship works but based on L's google hangout last night with his new mentor, whom I love, I am starting to get it.  I try to listen, or rather, I am forced to listen but I certainly do not speak the same language as L and I certainly cannot guide him.  Last night I facilitated a tech conversation between 9 year old  L and his new 20 something year old mentor who were both speaking the same language.  It was eye opening for me and I think quite satisfying for L to have a real person who can really understand him, answer his questions, make wonderful programming suggestions and inspire him. None of this would have happened if he were still in school. Radical Unschooling has opened up more possibilities and discoveries and has awakened his unquenchable tech mind.

My nine year old learns all day, every day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.  Weekends and holidays do not interrupt organic desire driven learning.  He designs his own education. He is a hackademic.  He learns what he wants to learn, when he wants to learn it, how he wants to learn it and for however long he wants to learn it.  What glorious freedom to let him satiate his own mind.  I am just here to provide him with the necessities and a little guidance and support.  I am NOT his teacher.  He doesn't need one.  He can learn anything for free online and through books.  My "regular" friends do not get it and the biggest question is always how will he ever fit in and be able to get a job.  I guess when you have a child who wants to make a difference in the world and is creating and producing and learning every day you do not really think about whether someone is going to hire him to clock in and out.  If I wanted that for my son then he could still dredge on in public school and never learn to think for himself.  He is an out of the box thinker with an undeniable drive to learn. I have set him free.

Disrupting the educational status quo may not be for everyone but hopefully there are enough of us out there to change an antiquated pedagogical system and get people to notice that self-directed, online learning can and will educate our children. We need passionate, inspired, creative and tech savvy kids. We need the next great inventors, entrepreneurs, visionaries, scientists, artists, and influencers that think differently and will change the world.

Maverick Learning

I have succumbed to total self directed learning. It seems to be our only way.  I have let my boy fly and he is soaring. I; however, am suffering from guilt. I am constantly stuck in the past and feeling the despair of the wasted time spent in school. The regression. The misdiagnosed symptoms. Did we have to go through all of this to come to where we are? Perhaps.  We are stronger and more knowledgeable.  I am still punishing myself for not being more insightful earlier on. What could have been and what is.  We are on the right path now despite those that do not understand.  Ours doesn't look normal. That is okay. That is more than okay.  I now embrace our eccentricities. I am not changing who we are so the world will accept us and understand.  We are outliers.  It started with rejecting the institution. The system. We do not prescribe to the educational status quo. We can't. We tried. It didn't work. We will create our own destiny. It won't look like everyone else's. He is not well rounded. He is not following that which we are supposed to. He is authentic. He will find his place and he will thrive. He may even change the world.