I Have No Control

This is how it works in my family.  I am, by nature, a control freak; however, I live in a house where my kids choose what they want to do.  Don't worry...it isn't absolute chaos. I try to think of it as letting their minds wander.  I cannot have an agenda about what I would like them to learn because it just doesn't work in the house of autonomy.  Even if I come up with a great idea about what my darling sons should do, the go to response is to say no to it. Moments, hours or days later when they mention the very thing that I previously suggested, it is suddenly a great idea worth following.  They just can't/won't follow my suggestions. Today I am okay with it now that I finally realized how their minds work but I seem to forget this little game we play when I am in the midst of it.  They need to come to the task at hand in their own way and on their own time frame.  I am sure that they don't actually hate all my ideas but I do think they need to let it mull around a bit in their minds until they realize it may be a worthwhile pursuit.  I may strew some resources around in an effort to subtly introduce the topic. I am a proponent of having a prepared environment.  I am also a part-time toy and book hoarder.  Not all resources will get looked at but the more intriguing they are, the better.  

Letting go of expectations about what your children should be doing can be disconcerting at times.  One must trust the process. Sometimes adults get in the way too much. The best thing I can do for L, in particular, is to stay out of his way.  This kid is hungry to learn and just when I think certain areas have been abandoned, he is clandestinely researching and learning about said topic on his own.  The other day L announced that he had no interest in whatever I happen to have suggested and will NOT learn it. Today he proclaimed that he loves that very same coding language and can't wait to learn more.  Really? Yes, really. This is the norm in my house. Everything changes on a dime.

I have also realized that what they enjoy today they may not enjoy tomorrow and that is okay.  It is okay to abandon an interest that is no longer meaningful. I am actually a fan of quitting.  The old saying, "Don't be a quitter!" needs to be tweaked.  Quit that which does not serve you well.  Start something and don't finish it. Pick it up again later or never come back to it. It is all a path to learning.  If my kids are passionate and interested in something then they will stick with it no matter how challenging it gets.  Once they have learned what they want to, they move on. I feed their interests no matter how short lived they may be.  I would rather my kids quit something that was once interesting then continue to pursue something that doesn't nourish them any longer.  Sometimes the interesting topic comes back around and sometimes it doesn't. It is all okay. The important parts stay in their brain and connections are made.  I don't quiz them on what they have learned or make them write a report about it.  Later on down the road when they want to pull that nugget of information out and use it, it will be there for them.

What matters most is that my kids are happy and they are passionate about learning.  They are critical thinkers who use problem solving skills in real world situations.  They choose what they want to learn, how they want to learn it, when they want to learn it and when they want to switch gears to something else. Children are natural born learners. Their minds are not imprisoned by the confines of limitation. They have absolute freedom.

Follow me: 

FB: Amy Golden Harrington / Gifted Unschooling

@amygharrington

Tumlblr: Gifted Unschooling

Pinterest: Gifted Unschooling

www.giftedunschooling.com