Being a mom to two unschooled children is a unique and rewarding experience. It can also be a bit isolating. It doesn't have to be but in my case it is. I have one kid that rarely wants to leave the house. This post; however, is about the inner isolation that comes with the territory of being a profoundly gifted child who can no longer connect with kids of close proximate age. Nine year old L was able to make friends while he endured school. He adapted. He had to. Now that we have been unschooling for about a year he is an entirely different person. Actually, he is the person he always was before the parameters of school forced him to dumb down to the environment. As a baby, infant and toddler he was a quick witted, verbose, intelligent child who had a lot on his mind and was more than willing to share his ideas. He was captivated with the WHYs of the world. His need to know WHY is still omnipresent. In fact it drives him to learn and explain everything that he absorbs within the world. The intensity of his personality was always there I suppose but it manifested in an entirely different and unenjoyable manner during the school years.
I am not complaining about unschooling. It is absolutely the best, most liberating experience and is 100% the right decision for my kids and our family. They are growing, learning and nourishing their creative minds in ways that are limitless. School inhibits creativity and is anti learning. We have no desire to go back. My only regret is not having arrived at unschooling sooner. Little brother S, age 4, is and shall remain "unprocessed" by the system.
So, back to the isolation. L is starting to realize that he is outgrowing his friends. He has a desire to be social but most of our social endeavors end up being a waste of time for him. He is so focused on his work. He is an avid computer programmer and a white hat hacker. He creates, hand codes, tutorializes and hacks all day, every day. He loves it and this passion doesn't seem to be fading. It is who he is. It is amazing to watch how his mind works. It also makes it very difficult to find a peer for him that shares his excitement and enthusiasm for all things computer science. He wants nothing more than to find someone to collaborate with and share ideas and brainstorm projects. This is hard to find especially in another 9 year old. His most fulfilling intellectual connection in this domain is with one of his mentors. I am pretty sure L would rather spend a day hanging out and talking shop with his 20 something year old mentor, A, than just about anyone else. L's online meetings with A is the highlight of the week.
Last week's experiment was trying a few classes. What a disaster. First there was Fine Art class that both L, 9, and S, 4, took together. L has always been an abstract expressionist but I thought that was in part because of his lack of ability to draw perfect shapes and understand perspective. He has always been a fan of stick figures which I thought was due to physical limitation in executing more well developed characters. Turns out he can actually copy a drawing to scale with perfect line segments. He just doesn't want to. It all goes back to conformity. He just cannot do it. He absolutely is an outlier through and through. Meanwhile, his little 4 year old brother did a nice abstract picture of an ice cream cone that L loved. I have to admit, I did too. The vibrant explosive color was more meaningful than Liam's perfectly drawn snail with predictable colors. L liked S's art better and so did I. We realized right then that fine art class and the conformity that goes along with learning still life technique is not for him. L is abstract to his core. One down, one more class to go.
We tried a home based film class with other homeschoolers/unschoolers that I thought would be right up L's alley. After all, from the ages of 4 - 9 all he wanted to be when he grew up was become a film director. He was analyzing and breaking down film since age 3 when he was first introduced to media. This particular class had more to do with editing video (which he does as part of his tutorial making) and adding effects using Aftereffects software with which L already has experience. Within five minutes I could tell that L couldn't handle it. Whatever expectation he had in his mind this class wasn't for him. The environment was a mismatch with some of the kids appearing to be too different from him in a variety of ways and apparently he lost his love of movie making. It was a little bit of a sad and disappointing moment for me. I thought this group of kids would be his peeps...all nerdy, creative homeschooling types. It was just another reminder to me that he is very different and has atypical needs. We talked about the class on the way home and what about it didn't work. Once we got home he stated that, "Being unique has it's challenges." I think he is starting to realize more and more just how different he actually is. I seriously do not know how this kid handled so many years in school with all of the top down structured anti WHY learning coupled with social conformity. He definitely marches to the beat of his own drum and does so proudly. He embraces his uniqueness, as do I, but it does make our maverick lifestyle even more isolating.
Amy, I love your thoughts on your sons. C, my oldest, though not as gifted as your son sounds, also did not really relate much to other kids his age. He found some common interests with Magic the Gathering and some other games, but often at park days, he was hanging with the adults. At age 15 he got into a homeschool Latin class and found a friend. They are still friends today, 9 years later. They both love words, word play, science fiction and fantasy novels. Both have dabbled in creating games, languages, civilizations, etc. C also preferred to stay home and do his own thing most of the time. Being with other kids, esp. larger groups was pretty exhausting for him and often resulted in negative behavior. Again, you are giving L a wonderful gift, and of course it is your gift as well.
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