The unique journey of raising a profoundly gifted tween who has the mind of a brilliant adult trapped in a young child's body with the emotional regulation of a teenager and the separation anxiety of a preschooler is not for the faint of heart. Having a child who has been accepted to college at a young age without the emotional maturity or desire to pursue it makes every day more complex than your average kid. Many kids by the age of 10 long for their independence and desire to have the ability to stay at home alone from time to time. Not my kid. We would love for him to
want to stay at home and work on his own projects versus having to drag him to places he doesn't want to go to but no such luck. Every now and then he will tell me that he is over his fear of being alone and that my husband and I can go out on a date while he and his brother stay home and watch a movie. We tried this once. He facetimed me the entire time while we ate at a restaurant two minutes away just in case we had to rush home. Sure, this may change in a few years but he is entirely responsible and trustworthy and, in my eyes, capable of a short stay at home right now. He feels differently about it. This is a kid who needs some adult in the house but definitely doesn't want us to tell him what to do nor does he want us to be right near him much of the time. He likes together alone time. The push pull of needing parental guidance coupled with a great desire for autonomy is omnipresent.
He has recently taken on the initiative to teach and inspire his younger brother with such enthusiasm that demonstrates his leadership abilities and his desire to teach in an effective and patient manner. I love this. The next moment he needs his space and we give it to him...the whole downstairs has become his domain. I feel like we are living with a moody teenager already at times. His time is his own and he uses it as he sees fit. He isn't waiting to become an entrepreneur...he is one now.
His personality is pradoxical. He is a tree hugging hippie and fiscally conservative Libertarian who urged me to vote for Mitt Romney in 2012. He is unmotivated by money but always needs the newest and most sophisticated technological devices. Huh? My head spins regularly in a state of confusion over just how bizarre and unique this human being is that I have spawned. He is a focused, determined kid with ideas of changing people's lives for the better and he is constantly evolving. Just when I think I understand who he is and what his passions are he completely flips the script.
He doesn't do superficial and he doesn't care about what the outside world thinks. In this way he is unlike typical tweens/teens who are heavily shaped by their peers, environment and pop culture. Then again, nothing about this kid is typical. I would imagine since we are unschooling that the approaching teen years should be very different than those who are influenced by peer pressure culture. He is staunchly authentic. He is also a very sensitive and deeply engaged person who requires depth of conversation and complete honesty. Our communication is pretty open and truthful now and I am constantly working to keep it that way. He is also a very cautious and highly moral kid so I am thinking that the teen years may be smoother than what I would have previously expected. Are you shaking your head yet at my optimism?
Having a kid that ages out of K-12 school at a very young age brings with it a very different experience of what the future holds. Presently, he is multiple ages at once with no handbook to guide us through this path. He self educates which I am confident he will continue to do throughout his life and there is no educational planning that occurs in our household. There is no preparing for college or SAT testing or any of the traditional mainstream milestones that many families with teenagers face in our future. We do not suscribe to standardized testing and he has already had a taste of college academics. There is no section at the bookstore that can help you along the way when your child is at the upper end of intellectual extremes coupled with a subversive approach to education. There will be no college experience for him where he studies and enjoys the culture that goes along with being free for the first time at 18. He is free now.
Follow me @amygharrington
My son does not endorse this blog post.
Thanks for the snapshot into your parenting life. Your post is a nice addition to the blog hop.
ReplyDeleteI love that you wrote that he doesn't endorse the post, so something my 11 year has and would say. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteGifted asynchrony personified! Many ages all at once and just when you think you have them worked out - they flip it and change it all. Thanks for a great post, Amy!
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time is how we manage the great chasm of asynchrony! Thanks for sharing that it's not as easy as K-12 then college.
ReplyDeleteOh, I do miss age ten! The connection, the clarity of purpose, the enthusiasm, and the snuggles. Your son sounds delightfully immersed in his interests and learning. Hold onto your optimism while remaining open to what he chooses down the road. While the teens haven't been terribly rocky for us, they are challenging because they are a time of great change.
ReplyDelete(I'd gently add that 10 is not an age where many children feel comfortable being home alone, especially with a younger sibling. He'll get there.)