Wednesday, May 28, 2014

this is our normal

I am a firm believer that a child's life should be filled with play in whichever way that manifests.  Age, temperament and family lifestyle will heavily determine what play looks like over time and in different homes. We are not an outdoorsy, adventurous family with the exception of the kids' newfound interest in Nerf toy guns, so our play is mostly indoors.  I think my five year old would appreciate a lot more wilderness, camping and frolicking about outside but my sun aversive personality, desire for physical comfort and cleanliness plays a factor in what choices we make out in the world. Though we live near the beach, it takes a lot of accoutrements for me to tolerate it, much less enjoy it, so the beach is my husband's domain.  I would prefer to be indoors reading, writing or watching a movie.  Indoor play is just more my speed.

The importance of play, in whatever form, is paramount in our life. Unschooling allows for unlimited learning through play.  When you enjoy what you are doing it feels like play even if it doesn't look like it to the outside world.  My five year old's day is entirely play-based which includes how he approaches reading, maths, writing, creative expression and social development. In our world play and learning are inseparable.  My ten year old's day is entirely play based as well but his play includes an incredible amount of technology and reading.

I am not sure what is typical for most ten year olds but in this house it means non stop learning, creating and general information consumption and dissemination.  This child has had no use for toys or anything resembling childlike interests since the day he turned nine. That was the beginning of the end of his childhood as I had come to know it and the mark of something much more unique, intense and all consuming.  As soon as this kid's eyes are open to greet the day he goes straight to the heart of all learning: technology.  His computer and iDevices are always nearby and ready to be utilized for most of the day as his primary learning and producing tool.  He rarely needs a break from his work which is technology centric and wholly satisfying. The only part of his play filled learning day that is offscreen is when he is consuming his comic books and teaching me what he has been learning about or creating.  There isn't much else.  His work is his play and his play is his work.  On the occasions when we do venture out into the world, he is creating and editing the whole time.  If the statement is true that one should find what they love and the money will follow then this kid will make boatloads.  There is no frivolity to his day. There is just no time for that.  

I am pretty sure my five year old is a little more in line with other five year olds. He loves Legos, superheroes, fighting, violence, weapons, My Little Pony, Hello Kitty, building and cuddle time. Okay, maybe not entirely typical but he is a child who plays all day, every day and is creative and curious. Our unschooling day provides for unlimited freedom to satiate one's desires.  It just so happens that for my five year old it means acting out a lot of fighting scenes from superhero movies, reciting lines from The Goldbergs and then turning to My Little Pony comics and plush toys for lovey tenderness. He is a complex boy, to say the least, who is in tune with his masculine and feminine sides in a very powerful and all encompassing way. He is a kid who can connect with boys and girls of absolutely any age with ease and it has always been this way.  He is a dream to play with but parenting him is not for the faint of heart.  Unlike his older brother who has never uttered a curse word in his life, this kid walks with the confidence of a prison gang leader and talks like a drunken sailor.  There really isn't much we can do about it other than mostly ignore it and occasionally remind him that most five year olds do not talk like this and all adults will find it offensive.  This falls on deaf ears.  

While my little kooks are doing their thing I tend to read, write and research the next great everything. We are a family where everyone is autonomous and focused on pursuing their own needs in a collaborative and loving environment (most of the time). We are not your average family which works well for my kids and I; however, my husband longs for a "normal" life which he thought he was signing up for when he met a nice Jewish attorney.  Sorry, I am a lot more than meets the eye and our life will likely remain complex and turbulent.  I am pretty confident that I have always been an odd bird, or, at least that is what my law school friends would tell me, but my kids take quirky and weird to new, bizarre levels.  I embrace the helter-skelter life we lead and and enjoy that we all keep evolving into more creative beings.

Since we have embraced an alternative lifestyle, disturbing the existing order at every turn, it is no wonder our play looks different from the norm. Every moment in our radical unschooling life is mostly enjoyable and entirely interest led.  Interest led learning is synonymous with play, which is defined as an "activity engaged in for enjoyment and recreation, especially by children."  We live a life of play. All day, every day, we engage in activities purely for enjoyment.  It just so happens that we thoroughly enjoy hoarding information and devouring knowledge.



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1 comment:

  1. My 8 year old sounds a lot like your 5 year old: violence, language in his pretend play, drill sargent tone and beating on toys. His passions are police, fairies (tinkerbell movies), hours of pretend play, recent facination/obssession with Magic Tree House reading but then in pretend play he abuses/arrests the main characters, and math (sometimes) and russian (sometimes). Since I must work don't really unschool but I feel like Waldorf is a form of unschooling, because while fun for him he is not really doing much academically. While he has unlimited access to internet and his tablet and t.v. he rarely tunes in to them: well, maybe 1 hour a day. My son also loves 'practical' work too: helping his honorary grandpa (friend of family) repair homes, fix cars, and such. I let him swear and curse in his pretend play at home: he plays both the good guys and the bad guys since he prefers to play alone (because wants to control play to a degree but most kids can't maintain his depth of play...hours and hours and then start up the next day where he left off imaginative play). Just to randomly throw in: my child is atrocious at spelling/writing: many tries to push me to encourage him to be a 'writer' but that is not what it is about. It is just play!

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