Gifted in Translation

Upon the realization that my first child was gifted, I did some google searching and had a conversation or two with my mom about it and then went on my way living my life as if it was just a thing that would make life and school a little easier.   Life and school certainly do not become easier because your child is gifted.  There are some words and thoughts that come to mind when I think about raising gifted children but easy living isn't one of them.  Many parents, including myself, would describe the journey of raising gifted children as intense, confusing, overwhelming, depthful, mentally draining, awe inspiring, rapidly evolving and sometimes it makes my head spin in the most amazing way.  The reality is that these words are lighter than what we truly experience.

A decade ago, I didn't envision this life we are living; however, it suits our fierce individualities perfectly. I, too, was an odd bird growing up.  Or, at least that is what my friends told me. I didn't know what they meant at the time. And, I too, was a bit of a rebel who embraced being different. I distinctly remember sales pitching my mother about not needing to go to school anymore because I wasn't learning anything important.  I was 9. I guess it shouldn't come as such a shock to me that we have evolved into radical unschoolers. Freedom to push boundaries, reject forced ideas, delve into the unknown and immerse ourselves deeply in our own interests is our driving force.  Our life is fueled with intense intellectual and creative energy weaving comedy and confusion throughout.

We oddballs do not generally apologize for not fitting in. Actually, some people prefer us for that quality.  The free spirited, free thinker with a wealth of knowledge to back up the overly articulated rants. Tact is modeled (sometimes) and passion is infectious. We aren't trying to fix the quirks.  We are a very extreme and noticeable family wherever we go. It is just who we are. We don't blend in. Anywhere.  This part is hard on my husband who tries to live every day like he is invisible.  My oldest offspring is definitely a child who enjoys his quirky personae, my youngest exudes charisma, my husband is the strong silent type and I am the chaos whisperer.  Our authentic nature sometimes presents as rough around the edges.  My kids demonstrate their heightened sense of living in the world in oppositional l ways so I must remain well versed in each child's unique temperament in order not to offend society in general as well as to best facilitate their developmental trajectory.    

One must have an unusual amount of patience and understanding when living with gifted children. Their asynchronous development can catch you off guard and leave you asking yourself, "How is it that this kid can do discrete math in his head instinctively but cannot adequately take showers without encouragement and reminders?"  When their minds emulate that of a professor but their common sense and life skills barely match a young child, it serves to confuse the most empathetic parent.  Even my husband, who lives this bizarrro life every day, is, at times, baffled by the disparity in intellect versus childlike judgment, physical adroitness, emotional stability and impulsive nature.  He is constantly connecting one to another and then fails to make sense of it all despite my explanations.  Asynchrony is pervasive with no off switch; it is all consuming and mixed with overexcitabilities can be entirely overwhelming at times. This combination often leads to a misdiagnosis of pathologies in gifted children.  I prefer to look a gifted child through a positive lens that takes into account asynchronicity, overexcitabilities and environmental influences.

Connecting undesirale behavior to the environment and learning approach plays an indispensible role in understanding gifted children.  Sating a gifted child's intellectual and creative needs is an essential ingredient in how they behave in any given situation.  Parenting gifted children requires knowledge and oftentimes a switch in mindset in order to fully support and appreciate the extraordinary nature of the gifted child.  Raising an out-of-the-box thinker in an in-the-box system is counterintuitive and often damaging.  

It took years for us to evolve as a family into a freethinking way of life, specifically in terms of parenting and education.  Because of just how off beat and strong willed my children are, radical unschooling really is our only possibility.  These children know who they are and what they want and need. I am here to help them along on the path they are carving out for themselves.  Their independent spirit fuels their motivation which is shaping their personalities.  The one similarity my two boys share is that their interests and passions come in waves and they are all consuming when at the forefront.  The obsessions change but they are always deeply explored and a meaningful part of their personal development. 

Gifted children and unschooling are often an ideal fit.  Most gifted children are fiercely independent and driven by their inquisitive nature. Self-directed learning is the most natural approach for a motivated, gifted child brimming with curiosity. Providing gifted children with the freedom to satiate their intellectual and creative needs in a stimulating environment with access to interesting materials and technology is paramount for a thriving autodidact  In my case, preventing freedom of self-discovery would foster behavioral issues and negative, hostile energy which is advantageous to no one.  When my children are driven and focused on an endeavor of their own choosing, the best course of action is to stay out of their way and let them engage fully in their work. External expectations of what a child should be interested and engaged in has no merit in an unschooling lifestyle.  The child is in control of his own pursuits regardless of adult and societal archetypes.

The unschooling journey is ever evolving and moderately eccentric.  Then, again, that is the point...to be entirely individualistic and authentic in terms of shaping one's identity, intellect and creative being.  Embrace your gifted child's quirks and temperament and let them soar with the freedom that they relish.  Try not to compare and measure your children with the external world of mediocrity and sameness. Gifted children are not meant to blend in and be like everyone else. Celebrate who they truly are, savor the experience and enjoy the ride.

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This blog is part of the New Zealand Gifted Awareness Blog Tour