My Complex Children

My bizarre and brilliant children are my muse. No question. I may be theirs as well. We have unbelievably stimulating and detailed conversations about anything and everything which leads to my writing material.  I have learned so much about myself through my children and there is not a day that goes by where I don't have rich moments to draw from as inspiration. 

I have known for awhile how my oldest son's brain and personality work.  He has a multitude of learning styles that are all tapped into at once for optimal performance. He's a big picture, strategic thinker who lingers in the details.  He requires graphic rich aesthetics, audio visual delivery and an interest in the subject matter and he is a carnivorous sponge with complete understanding after one take. That is just how his brain works. It is effortless learning when delivered effectively.  

What I have recently realized is a new trait that is pervasive across multiple disciplines. He is a problem solving enthusiast. He seeks to spot problems and exploit them in a way that fosters new creative channels of expression.  I didn't realize it was a part of his innate makeup until today. He is the consummate white hat hacker who hacks for the betterment of his own creative freedom. Hacking is all about problem solving, critical thinking and personalization; I just never realized that it is an inherent part of of his temperament versus simply a fun pastime. It is clearly noticeable in the type of discrete math that he delves into and I realize now that it extends to his love of film editing. Part of what he likes about editing is being limited to working with certain actual footage and then having to figure out how to create something interesting from the mediocre.  One more piece of the puzzle that makes him a unique child to parent.

Life, for him, is worth dissecting and analyzing. He craves depthful conversation, hoards information and detects problems and discrepancies as a way of life. It is just who he is. I am not that different, I suppose. We both feel a need to deconstruct ideas and brainstorm possibilities. Every.Single.Moment. We channel complexity.  Our conversations do not sound like a typical mother and child; however, nothing about either of us is typical.  I suppose most parents hone their parenting style based on who their child actually is in lieu of their idea of what parenting should look like. That is certainly the case here in the land of intellectual chaos.  If I tried to parent my children based on some formula found in bestselling one-size-fits-all parenting books, we would have a very different family dynamic and I would have no clue who my children really are.  I try my best not to stifle any aspect of my children's personality but I do offer guidance based on my knowledge of the world that one cannot extrapolate through reading books and engaging in media.  

My youngest child is vastly different. His personality is about deconstruction but not of ideas as much as it is about dismantling the physical world and all objects in his view. He creates and enjoys visual chaos. Disarray is comforting to him.  "When everything is chaotic, then you know you've had fun." His words, not mine.  Though, I kind of get it. He just really likes to take things apart, build something new and then destroy it. Deconstruction, construction and destruction all wrapped up in a cute little charismatic package with the self confidence of a mob boss and the vocabulary and emotional intelligence of an adult.  His emotional depth is naturally astute and layered.  I am not quite sure where it comes from but he is more connected than anyone I have ever met. His ubiquitous understanding of love and heartbreak coupled with just enough darkness would make for an excellent poet or tortured artist.  He wields his power through intense stares and dramatic exhibitionism while in costume and in character. 

Deeply emotional children can be scary at times especially when, in my child's case, he is also quite fascinated with violence.   It has been this way since he was a toddler and wouldn't leave the house without carrying a concealed weapon, generally in the form of a plastic toy spatula.  He is a lover and a fighter.  He cares profoundly about the feelings of others and has an impassioned view of the world.  And, like his brother, he seems to acquire knowledge through osmosis.  

There is no manual for these types of children:  How to Parent Your Omnibus Prodigy and How to Support Your Weapon Wielding, Emotionally Intense and Charismatic Gifted Child simply do not exist.  I am parenting the children I have, not the ones I had envisioned years ago.  Our life doesn't look like anyone elses and nothing is routine. 

Parenting gifted children is a unique challenge which is all consuming and incredibly exhilarating.  Every day is an adventure replete with life lessons which ignite our day. The main guidance that I offer my children is with character development. "Know who you are."  I say this a lot as we examine situations in life and glean insight into how to develop into a psychologically healthy and happy person.  We don't work on traditional academics but we certainly dissect human behavior and our role in the social world.  

Traditional approaches to parenting and education are often ineffective when you are raising a profoundly gifted child or prodigy.  Radical unschooling works beautifully for my self-directed children as freedom reigns and rules do not apply.  Structure and forced learning are suffocating to their autonomous creative minds.  Trying to keep gifted children in the proverbial box will do more harm than good and may create behavioral issues that mimic pathologies. Gifted children need to be embraced and accepted, quirks and all.  We are the noticeably odd family wherever we go and our strong personalities have been known to make people's head spin.  We don't really go with the flow and my children don't blend in. Their personalities are overt and they exude their brilliance the way most people breathe.  I have one child who lives in his head and one who is guided by his heart. They are both wholly original and dexterously challenge all societal expectations.  My complex children are rarely easy to parent; however, they sure make life more interesting.  

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