Lasting Weirdness

"I am an acquired taste.  I have pretty intense energy," I forewarn new friends.  Or, maybe they tell me something similar. Words aren't needed. If you are around me for any length of time my personality comes through pretty aggressively. It is a take it or leave it situation. I have always waxed and waned in the extremes. You love me or hate me but you are not sure which. I am friendly and affable but I don't have the patience for the superficial. I don't feign interest well and my enthusiasm is over the top. Extremes. Always. This makes for a great friend if you, too, are intense which most of my good friends are.  I am drawn to those with strong energy and complexity and thrive on impassioned conversation. I love argument. This, I have learned, is not how most people enjoy social interactions.  I enjoy having shared views and often prefer like-minded people but I really enjoy oppositional opinions. I welcome conflict.  Heated discussions are exciting for me and definitely preferred much of the time.  My husband has said that having a conversation with me is like having ice-cold water thrown in your face. I am not subtle.

I was the skinny little kid with dark curly hair and big lips when skinny wasn't in and blonde hair and thin lips were en vogue.  I was odd looking with a quirky personality and I was a magnet for those that stood out in some way. I loved the underdog, the outlier, the new kid with the accent, the culturally diverse kid, the overweight girl, the handicapped...anyone who was other than totally normal was who I gravitated toward. I continue to prefer differences over homogeneity which I find sterile. I enjoy those that others cast aside for their unique qualities.  

My friends at this point are quality over quantity outside of the social media world.  My good friends I talk to regularly and they embrace my aggressive conversational nature and oftentimes they seek out my guidance because they know that I will offer loving truth. I don't really sugar coat the truth but my candid nature and motivational type honesty helps them understand themselves better and they appreciate my opinion even if it makes them uncomfortable. And, they too, are my sounding board in times of need. I am a complex girl with a multifaceted past and the product of a dysfunctional family where I had to raise myself and learn coping skills at an early age.  Those that love me embrace all of it.  I can be exactly who I am without fear or judgment.  Living freely and authentically allows for meaningful relationships with empathic people who cherish spirited and insightful connection.

My husband is quite the introvert with little need for social interaction outside of our immediate family.  He avoids small talk and seeks solitude.  At work he has to be conversational and friendly but it takes a tremendous toll on him to have to be "on" socially.  When we are all together he is pretty happy for me to do most of the talking on his behalf. Limited social interactions suit him just fine.

Raising outliers and living a subversive life affects friendships for my children as well as myself. It is mostly by choice that we stay rather insular as a family but circumstances affect relationships as well. It is very challenging to take my son away from his work when he is in flow and working under self-imposed deadlines.  It is not entirely dissimilar for my youngest and myself.  We spend our time quite selectively with a small group of families where everyone can be strong and weird and creative and sensitive and we do not have to modify our personalities in the hope that people may think we are "normal." True friendships are more important than mass popularity. We aren't trying to fit in and the more the merrier doesn't always apply.  

For my ten year old, Liam, friendships work best if the other children are creative and imaginative.  We have given up on finding intellectual age peers because they simply do not exist for him.  Fortunately, there is one family in particular where all four boys get along beautifully as do the parents and I. Aside from them we spend most of our time with my close friends, gifted unschooling families and extended family.  It is enough social interaction for the time being. What we have found repeatedly is that for Liam, accomplished mid forty something computer scientists are his intellectual peers and it is with them that he can satiate his mind through high level conversation.

Sutton, who just turned six, is a charismatic child who gets along well with many and he has a unique set of character traits that are gender inclusive and all encompassing. He and I both tend to befriend new people with addiction like fervor. If we meet and there is a strong connection then our friendship may go from 0 to 60 immediately. Some friends are in it for the marathon but some are just along for a sprint.  He has had intense friendships that have been short lived but while they were besties it was an all day, every day proposition.  He is learning at a young age the dynamics of intense friendships. I am fairly certain that superficial friends won't be his thing either as we all seem to prefer a deep and honest connection.

Prior to having children I was somewhat of a social butterfly but my priorities have shifted and now my friendships are relegated to phone and social media communication for the most part.   Geography and time constraints are a factor and our divergent, schedule free lifestyle plays a part as well. We are enjoying our quiet, focused life and when social opportunities arise we participate with enthusiasm, intensity and just enough weirdness to keep it interesting.

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